23 Dec What’s with today?
Now, I cringe when people say “I’m having a bad day” – I don’t believe in generalisations, or in self-sabotaging negativity.
But today, today is different.
My hopes, dreams, intentions and expectations for how the day would go – and more accurately, what I would do with it – were positive, ambitious and essential to my plans.
And then the storms hit.
Rain poured down with literally record rates, and rooms flooded.
I’d just gone upstairs to get the tea pot to make some tea, and was about to make my Weekly Salad (more on that another time).
An hour later, I remembered tea.
I battled indoor floods in 3 rooms, filled 5 salad bowls with water, drenched many towels and rags, and mopped the floors so hard that my boobs fell out of my bra. Not the workout I had planned.
Now, this is not a poor me sob story, and I know and feel for the many others who battled worse storm damage, flight delays, power outages, unsafe conditions and property damage.
This is about all the things that were happening in my mind between registering the overwhelming pace of the indoor flood and finally (mostly) removing any signs of the new indoor high water marks.
There was frustration and resentment (why do I need to do this, why can’t they fix the house), worry (what is happening to my time and how will I recover and do what I’d planned), fear (how far would the water spread and when would it actually stop) cussing about the damage, and there were rehearsals of many blame-ridden speeches (to the insurer, to the owners, to the roof tradie). I fretted about the impact on my time, and how this would put me off for the rest of the day. There was almost a resignation that the day was wasted.
There was also a lot of wonder and awe at the elements (I always like watching weather), especially the two hailstorms, thunder and lightning, and the deluge of outside. We were very fortunate that we were not hit worse.
But where did all those thoughts and feelings come from? From expecting the same. From expecting that just because I planned something, I would have the time to do it. That just because the place hasn’t flooded like this before, it would not be possible given heavier rain.
Is it fair on myself to expect the status quo to continue? It almost always does.
Until it doesn’t.
Until we learn to ride the waves of an open, unwritten, unforeseen future. Of unexpected events.
We feel deep gratitude for what we do have, and we do not place demands on the future that is outside our control.
This is what’s become clear for me after my internal storm.