23 Dec My year of firsts
It has been an incredible 12 months.
A roller coaster of paradigm-shifting, pattern-breaking, soul-fuelling, creative, fear-inducing transformation, action, inspiration and love. I’ve leapt off a cliff, launched into space, hatched through my protective shell. Yes I like metaphors.
Side note: I don’t believe in much difference between the 31st of December and the 1st of January, or that there is inherent sacredness in a new year or this calendar, but it is literally 12 months since December 2014, when I came across and devoured some of Robin Sharma’s teachings. Those few things I applied, literally changed my life.
A year ago, I knew where I was at. I worked in an unhappy office. I was shy and worried to speak in public. Anything I contributed to a public forum, I second- and third- guessed myself and usually forfeited. I had poor boundaries. I found it hard to get back into our usual yoga and gym lifestyle every time we returned home. My energy was spent on my emotions. I would over-eat to the point of discomfort because I was avoiding doing something, or just looking for fulfillment. My self image contained plenty of things that I would or could never do. So, as Sharma implored, I wrote down 5 goals that would make the next year my best ever. That was a big call and I was inspired.
Each of these 5 goals materialised, sometimes in ways I’d have never imagined.
It was the first time I had a vision for my ideal life and lifestyle, which didn’t depend on a weekend, a holiday or retirement. I found a vision, and have been refining it since, of work that I do that is not just “a new job”. It is a life that elevates, inspires and fulfills me, it is consistent with my values and is an environment where my soul is happy. It was the first time I took action that I’d normally be too uncomfortable to take, had I not had the big inspiring vision in my heart. I feel it and believe in it and it is materialising around me – a long term glorious vision towards which I’m regularly working, excitedly creating and often dreaming. It was the first time I’ve understood my resistance and procrastination with compassion. It has taken truckloads of courage to overcome the fears, doubts, resistance and self critic, and this is an ever constant part of my journey.
I have seen more self acceptance and self love, which includes the acceptance of vulnerability and imperfection. Sharing something that feels half-baked feels scary, yet it can feel a lot better than my tendency to hold back until it’s just right, and never finding the exact words. I used to be in awe of everyone around me who was finding their path, building their business, designing and creating, making their dreams materialise, and yet I was sure that “I could never” do that. Now – I’m in awe of them because I see and understand their struggles, and see them forge ahead regardless. I have been a lot more assertive to people around me, in loving ways. I have a much stronger connection to myself. It is much more rare now that I agree to or do things I resent. I no longer have career crises and daydream binges. I have cultivated amazing soul-fuelling connections and found beautiful and inspiring communities.